he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
