I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I supernannyed him into submission
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
