It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
