They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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