I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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