You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
