take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize