I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
