party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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