Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i now understand why vodka
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize