some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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