smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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