Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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