Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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