Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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