Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He? As in you personified your dick?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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