I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
