i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
