Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
