I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
