nut hugger
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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