i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
