i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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