fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
