I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wish there were birth control emojis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
