Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
