Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
