My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
