U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
