Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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