they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
