are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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