Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
