just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
