That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
