I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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