YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
