love makes seman taste better
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
