I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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