Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
