Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
