Screwed.edu
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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