Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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