me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
