I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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