I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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