Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
