How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
