went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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