That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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