Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
