Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
