My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
