it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
