need another drink. this is the easiest way
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize