No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
