I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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