Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
