So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
