She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
