I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
