I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
