I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
