So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
