found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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