Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
